Uncensored

This project was designed to explore ourselves. To explore the range of pressures imposed upon us from a variety of sources whether it be our own educational context with in the art school, ourselves, our parents, upbringing, class, aspirations, belief, culture our desire to be accepted or included and of course our own internal criticism. All these factors can sometimes prevent us from working, from making art we want to make. In the first instance we will deal with ourselves. We can constantly censor ourselves in both good and bad ways, how many times have we said ‘ I cant do this’ or ‘I’m terrible’. This is obviously unhelpful. Censorship can revolve around some basic principles, Desire, prejudice, ego, morality, faith and fantasy. What is socially acceptable? who decides what is unacceptable and therefore by definition ‘acceptable’?

The things I want censored as a parent differ from what I want as an individual or to have imposed upon me, why? Is it out of a sense of protection? Censorship is designed to protect an individual or a population from harm or influence or infection, is to uncensor to unprotect? This obviously a huge philosophical question and we all have our own thoughts but to try and create an art work which is Uncensoring myself is very difficult. If I produced a work that was offensive I may be happy with it but would I wish my son to see it or my family? if I produced a work which was sensationalising an issue am I not just getting on a band wagon or using it as a shameless form of self promotion? Equally if you simple write ‘FUCK’ on something what does that actually say about you? shallow weak and devoid of actual talent I expect. To explore further some of the key words mentioned before helped me to go in the right direction, well the right direction for me that is.

Ego – or egotistical. self centred, selfish, egocentric, self interested, self seeking, self regarding, self absorbed, self obsessed, self loving, narcissistic, vain, conceited, proud, self important, boastful or bragging.

Morality – principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behaviour. Virtue goodness righteousness rectitude uprightness honesty integrity propriety honour justice fair play justness decency probity chastity purity moral code ethics conduct standards ideals.

Desire – A strong feeling of wanting or to have something. wishing for something to happen. wish for want long for yearn for crave for set ones heart on hanker for pine for thirst for itch for be desperate for have need for to covert aspire to have a fancy for feel like in need for.

Prejudice – Preconceived idea or opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience. bias influence sway predispose make partial or partisan colour poison warp twist slant distort bigotry intolerance discrimination preference unfairness inequality inequity racism anti-Semitism chauvinist sexism ageism classism ignorance.

All these powerful words made me think that what I found disturbing was the lack of care over what other people found to be precious. their culture or religion, material wealth or personal experiences. What ever I made had to be precious to me, not deliberately creating a discussion on what I found different about others or highlighting something ‘wrong’ with them or even involving or commenting on other people ideas at all, this is about my own thoughts and inside my head. Uncensoring what I found precious.

A famous Shakespearian quote and a famous Caravaggio painting put me in mine of what I wanted to create. ‘Narcissus’ by Caravaggio (1599) and the Shakespeare line from ‘Venus and Adonis’ …’Narcissus so himself himself forsook, and died to kiss his shadow in the brook’…

Being so precious about an image that you want to look at it for ever being to scared to look away, not ever wanting it to change or deteriorate. As a painter I have many paintings which I created and love now keep, others I worked on but were less impressed with and therefore their importance or preciousness is less defined. I chose to take a previously completed painting and reuse it, to deface it, destroy it. To others the original painting underneath is worthless and unknown but to me I will always know what is there hidden away. I chose a large landscape oil painting completed in 2008, a depiction of the London skyline at night with red skies and dark buildings in silhouette. The canvas was turned to a portrait orientation and using house hold decorating emulsion and brushes painted over the cityscape in think but fast strokes creating a large face peering out again reminiscent of the Caravaggio figure staring. The palette used was from my sons bed room redecoration and is a metaphor for his beauty and my love of him but also the utilitarian nature of the emulsion as an art material, it is designed to cover up large areas in a simple plain fashion. whilst leaving a portion of the original red sky on show marking out the facial features. The impasto of the underpainting still showing through in its texture but hidden from gaze from a far.

Part of the project brief was to keep our work private until the big reveal a couple of weeks later so the work was completed under a white bed sheet which was also a way of censorship as it did not allow others to know what I knew.

On revealing the work it was generally received very well, without the full explanation it looked like an odd portrait with bizarre lumps and bumps but with the explanation the critique was much improved.